TheJourney : Day 1 (The Beginning)

I have decided to start with my diet today January 11,2016. Why? Simply, because I’m tired of my unhealthy lifestyle. I never wanted to be really skinny. I’d still prefer meaty yet average BMI. 

Photo posted by : @ChloeAsh

At this moment, I stood as severely obese according to my BMI (Body Mass Index). This saddened me because I realized how demotivated I was. I drown myself of toxic foods, laziness, longer sleeping habits and more.

This year, I will pull-out myself in the box. I will motivate and work hard to be fit. Slowly but surely with NO YO-YO EFFECT hopefully.

Here are the most CUT-OFFS Habits :

  1. Sleeping late
  2. Oversleeping
  3. Over-eating unnecessary foods
  4. Chips, sweets and soda
  5. Sitting and lying longer than I move
  6. Eating more Carbohydrates

So far, these habits are the commonly popular habits that some people do, like me. Here are some of mu list that I want to change from now on.

The MUST DO!!

  1. Sleep on-time atleast 8hrs a day
  2. EAT healthy ( green, red, orange vegetable and fruits)
  3. Balance diet
  4. Prepare homemade healthy shakes once a day.
  5. Detox 2wks per month(alternatively)
  6. Do fitness… Dance!
  7. Move more….
  8. Meditate Daily

Looking at this list is so hard to adjust I must say. But I have to be back on track and motivate myself to work harder.

As of today, I weighed 86 kg and It’s depressing. I started drinking 1/2 Lemon with warm water in the morning/ when I wake up.

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I lied when I said IT’S ALRIGHT…

They said : when you love someone, you have to give your all to the person you love. When you love someone, you became the best version of yourself. When you love someone, you will feel complete as a person. When you love some, you would give up everything for the person you love and etc. I grew up with these thinking. I thought that when you show love to the person you love, you will get love back. But I was wrong!

da22e65a842f59f10645a395a2adf630I love him so much. I love him so much to the point I gave up everything just to be with him. That I can make him feel my presence. That when he gets home, I will be there waiting for me so he won’t feel alone. And when my friends called, I would decline for an invitation. WHY? So he won’t be left here feeling sad. Every time I go out, my thoughts is left at home, thinking about him. Because I love him so much that I forgot my worth … in short I LOST MYSELF!

I only wanted to be LOVE. Someone who wil love me for who I am. Someone who would kiss me in the morning and cuddle me. Someone who would wipe my tears and comfort my aching heart. Someone who would make me feel I am needed and wanted. Someone who wanted to go out with me. Someone who is not ashamed to be with me. Someone who is PROUD that I am his girlfriend. Someone who wanted intimacy and would never get tired till we are old.

I don’t need someone who will make me feel LESS and EMPTY!

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If only you could open my heart so you can see how much it bleeds. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but my mouth doesn’t want to open. It chose to be SILENT! There is a day, I wanted to smash my head on the wall, so I can feel more pain or maybe a bit of a luck, I will have amnesia. YES! Amnesia , so I can forget whatever feelings I have for you. Because my STUPID heart always chooses to LOVE you instead. YES! YOU HAVE MY HEART all the time. But the pain is killing me, not only physically but also my SOUL.

Yes! I lied when I said IT’S ALRIGHT. Even if I know that in between our story I lost the man I LOVE. The man who made me feel whole. The man who don’t want to see me sad and cry. I lied when I said I’m mad at you. Because I know my heart would resist feeling that. Instead of anger it diverts to love and pain. WHY? WHY? WHY?

PLEASE BRING HIM BACK TO ME. Because this pain is killing me and I don’t know until when I can hold it. I have so much love to show and give.

After a month ….

It’s more than a month now and I was thinking our weighing scale was broke. hahaha! I’ve never loosed weight though I can see some changes in my body. Isn’t  it weird or it’s just normal? Sometimes it decreases 3 kilos thsocialen went back again. Though I am carefully watching my calories intake. Oh! but I have one cheat day every week. I’ve downloaded different apps in my mobile such as calorie counter no monitor my food
intake.

Nevertheless, I am still motivated for my goal. Slowly but surely. There is no RUSH afterall.

Party fever NO MORE!

It’s Saturday and as they said “IT’S PARTY TIME“. I am a socialite and love to have fun with friends. I have spent my off days going out. Weekend was something to look forward when weekdays started. As years went by, a lot of things had happened and changed. I don’t know if it’s the age or I’m just simply fed up wasting my time and energy.

I like to spend the weekend in peace and cozy. I prefer a quite walk in the park, relaxing, picnic, adventure, watching movies and etc. Instead of spending being wasted and have sleepless nights from a exhausting nights like parties, bars and drinking session.

A friend of me once said “if you haven’t experienced extreme parties then you will never get tired of partying until you are satisfied”. Well, I guess he was right. I had been to different kind of parties, name it I experienced it all. To be honest, I missed those kind of life though. But as years goes by, I realized that there are more things that matters.
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As what they all said YOLO (you only live once) does not portray to party hard, get drunk or do enormously crazy things. Hence, it means to do things that simply matters most and is worth spending while your still alive. Spend more time with family and friends. Do useful things aside from gossiping and getting drunk. Go for a weekend spree away from the busy life in the city. Visit new places, meet new people, experience other cultures, nurture the wonders of nature. Because one this will all be memories. Memories that we can share to our little ones and who knows we end up in a nursing home. We can share great memories while having a tea in the porch with our oldies buddy.

The Journey : Day 2 ( Detox indeed)

We all familiar with the word Detox ( a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances). This sounds so easy to do but I tell you, IT’S NOT! With all the food that I am used to of eating. It’s like I am doing a suicide. Depriving myself of not eating the foods that I am used to.

So I’ve searched about detoxifying. Recipes how on how to do and make it. Be it juice , tea or food. Well, I ended up thinking should I really do this or not? I feared that I will just end up craving more and more. But with all the motivation I have in mind. I did tried!

First thing when I woke up, I drank a 1/2 Lemon with warm water. Then, I had coffee the usual. Which I am not sure is good or not when your in Detox ( please correct me if I did it wrong). Every hour 2 hours I drank 2 glasses of water. I replaced each meal with a disgusting shake that I made. Since, we didn’t do our grocery yet. I, then used what we have left in the fridge.

2 Carrots, 1/2 lemon, 1/2 orange, 1/4 cucumber + Honey to add taste. This is so disgusting to taste, baaaah! But, hell I care. I kept going till I consumed it the whole day. In between every drink. I had the urge to defecate. Geez! I looked like I had a diarrhea. The smell is really toxic. ( Sorry to include that) ! Every defecation, I drank 2 glasses of water to prevent myself from dehydration.

By the end of the day , I felt relief somehow.

 

Goodbye 2015 and Hello 2016!

Another year had passed. It seems like yesterday was 2014. But wow! 2016 it is. It was a roller coaster ride. As I recall, the death of my beloved grandfather, I met the love of my life, I gain and I lost friends. They said they come and go. Some stick, some not. But Regardless of all the sad and unfortunate circumstances that had happened. I found a family miles from home. I was blessed with a lot of things. I thank our Almighty Father for all the graces he showed upon me.

May this year be filled with so much blessings, happiness, more adventures, love and healthiness.

Each day is a blessing♥